Gross.

I seem to be having an allergic reaction. At first I thought it was to a bug bite, but I'm starting to think it is due to these new vitamins I have been taking.

That's what I get for being all organic and stuff.

I feel like a pregnant dinosaur. Pregnant cause I'm bloated and ate a lot. A dinosaur cause I'm covered in bumps.

I feel an impending doctor visit.

Summer Adventures

I've been watching a lot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes on DVD that Shawna leant me. As a result, I have discovered my new calling in life: vampire slayer.

The other day Shawna and I went on an adventure to the top of a butte near my house. It was terribly romantic, if you overlook the fact that I was hanging with my pal Shawna instead of a handsome man. It involved Subway, a sunset, and a "Skinnydip" beer wrapped in a napkin because I was paranoid about cops showing up to arrest me:







This weekend I have a three day weekend (thank you, America) and started it out by playing Clue in my pajamas with my roommates. Kind of awesome. Today I got up and went for a run, and discovered joy in the form of a post-run blueberry-banana-spinach smoothie:



Now I shall proceed to do cool things like float the river and watch baseball. It's difficult being this hardcore.

Hello.

I am not dead, nor have I taken up alcoholism.

I love spinach. I'm still training for my marathon. I work a lot. I love summer. Yesterday I went to a baseball game.

...

That's about it.

I am moderately intoxicated.

Tonight I went to a scandalous party whereupon I won a vibrator and later went to the bar and yelled out the car window to my spin class instructor. My roommate rolled up the window on my hand and I ate delicious food from Pita Pit.

That is all.
!
Shawna says hello. No she does not. I must get up and run in 5 hours. Oops! Shawna says her belly is itchy.

Things I think about when I cannot sleep

1. Is it possible to consume enough caffeine that it starts to have the opposite effect than is intended?

2. Why do I read books like "He's Just Not That Into You" and think that they make complete sense, but then do the exact opposite of what they say to do? Is it because I'm clinically insane?

3. Do armadillos have tails?

4. Why did I decide to wake up and run 8 miles at ridiculous o'clock on a Monday? Aren't Mondays meant for slacking off?

Check out my sweet new ride...

It's kind of difficult looking this awesome... I plan to bike all over town, so that people can be jealous of me.

In other news, I spent the weekend on the coast at my grandparent's house, where my grandmother used the words F***, balls, and condoms all in a ten minute period. My grandfather also drove by me when I went for a run on the beach this morning with a beer in his hand at 9 a.m. It was a fun weekend, in other words.

Adventures of a pedicure: how I got felt up by a stranger

I had the brilliant idea to schedule cheap pedicures for Shawna and myself yesterday. Rather than a relaxing, fun way to spend an evening it turned into a moderately hilarious adventure that left me feeling dirty.

It would appear there is a reason for a cheap pedicure to be so cheap. Sadly, we had to sit in chairs that were way far apart from each other, so there was no chatter to be had. They gave us wine, and as I had my feet in the tub and was waiting for someone to get to me I noticed one of the men smiling creepily at me from across the room. That was when it got a little weird.

I was perfectly happy, reading Cosmo and gaining dating advice (apparently I should do things like get three different guys to ask for my number in one night. Hello, slutty advice). Next thing I knew, Creepy Asian Pedicurist Man (CAPM for short) came over and got to work. I thought things were a little bizarre when he started asking me personal questions: "Do you have a boyfriend?" "I don't believe you, what's your boyfriend's name?" "Do you live alone?" "Where do you live?" "Do you know how to cook?" Yeah. That was Awkward with a capital A but nothing too strange. I made a mental note to tell Shawna about it and continued to read Cosmo whereupon I learned valuable information about crazy things girls do that chase men away (I say men should suck it up and deal).

I have this callus on my toe that's been built up from running so much, and the man started picking at it. Before I knew what he was doing, he cut the thing off and put my foot back in the tub. Burning ensued. That's right, he chopped off a chunk of my toe and now I probably have hepatitis. Super.

CAPM took it upon himself to massage my legs, and that's when things got a little too... friendly. He didn't just massage my lower calf like most pedicurists. Oh no, this guy went for the full on massage--he was above the knee at several points. As I sat there wondering to myself if this was normal behavior, I moved my skirt a little so he wouldn't get lotion on it. Soon Shawna was done and pulled up a chair across from me (finally we could chat!) and in a few moments I got a text message: "Shhh, I can see up your skirt!" Shawna is a good pal and luckily informed me that CAPM could see my inner thigh.

Upon leaving I learned that Shawna was not massaged in such a fashion, thus making it clearly abnormal. Also, she had a guy who removed calluses and then showed them to her. Weirdo.

All in one night I got felt up, flashed a stranger, and lost a chunk of toe. That's a full evening right there.

Three day weekend!

I have decided I should own a bicycle. The problem, however, is that I have no idea what one should consider when buying a bicycle.

Today I think I will wear a skirt because it is summer and because I should show off my pasty white legs. Also, today I am going to go have a picnic with Shawna followed by an evening during which I shall go for a long run, eat leftovers, and quite possibly paint my toenails. I'm pretty excited about it.

I am dog sitting my roommate's tiny Yorkie for the weekend, and I'm pretty sure he hates me and has decided to torture me by barking the whole time. He's like that.

Summer night... everybody are you with me?!?!

I have a cold. Quite possibly the plague. However, I am pretending I am better because it is the most gloriously sunny day outside that I cannot handle being inside any longer.

The plague is making it really hard to train for a marathon, I must say. Why does it seem like I get sick more than the average person?

Now go play outside!

Amen, Kelly Clarkson.

Sometimes I get so caught up in life that I start to panic a little at the thought of how ridiculous and insane everything is. I have a hard time reacting properly to things. Also, I'm horrible during PMS.

Then I go for a 5 1/2 mile run in the sunshine, and have a moment with my face turned up to feel the warmth, my eyes closed (a bad idea since I'm accident prone, but whatever), where I feel the love of people I've lost and the happiness of summertime. And it is during moments like those that I realize the truth wisdom of Kelly Clarkson. Seriously. Go buy her new album.

Other highlights of my weekend:

Conversation with dad:
Me: So I hit a tree with my car the other day.
Dad: A tree. A TREE?
Me: A tiny one. More of a sapling really...
Dad: But you hit a tree...

Conversation with Mom:
Me: You do realize that I just drank and drive on the riding lawn mower while consuming a beer with a straw. What kind of daughter did you raise?
Mom: One after our own hearts...

I also ran a 5K with the mom this weekend! Pictures to follow. We kind of kick a lot of ass.

Now go listen to Kelly Clarkson, please.